Forget the Refs...ask Harley!

[browneydgirl21]

Yo,

Forget the refs...they're known for leaving you in a lurch when a dinosaur is fixin' ta make you his lunch. Yeah, them's were -my- legs hanging outta the beast''s mouth. You got a question, or you need someone to tell you how it -really- is... Ask Harley. I've been to the other side and back looked Ole Man Pluto in the eyes and stole the map to his palace. Didnt even git no lousy t-shirt either. But yeah, been there done that. So lay it on me. I wont hesitate to lay it bare.

~Harley

[Mr. Taylor]

Ya know, as a dwarf, I's can appreciate yer immodesty. As a man of my former profession, I more than appreciate it. More o' you women folk should be layin' it bare.

The truth, I mean. I was slandered weeks ago by some two-bit hussy who saw me headin' in to a shop of ill repute. What she didn't see or say was me breakin' out the ol' divinin' rod and tryin' to understand m' future. Yeah, I was havin' my palms read. I watched her gaze longin'ly into a large ball and get all glazy-eyed. She then began spoutin' something aobut returnin' to my homeland as a champion.

So to answer that li'l trollop who wanted to write crap and try to tarnish my good reputation, I've only got this to say:

In case ya hadn't noticed, sister, I've got a bad rep already. I was a frickin' adult film star. Goin' places like that is what we do. However, to let all the good li'l kiddies out there know, Big Daddy Schlongonowski is back to the good side. I've stepped away from that lifestyle. So, Harley, if'n ya don't mind bein' associated with a dwarf, divine my future and tell me what ya see.

The Rabbi, baby!

[Mark Miller]

I have a question for you Harley, off the record as it were...

Is it true, these rumors I have been hearing, that you are now Big Daddy's go to gal?

If so, where does Karma fit into the scheme of things?

Signed,
NAE Correspondent Jayne Cobb

[browneydgirl21]

Ya know, as a dwarf, I's can appreciate yer immodesty. As a man of my former profession, I more than appreciate it. More o' you women folk should be layin' it bare.

The truth, I mean. I was slandered weeks ago by some two-bit hussy who saw me headin' in to a shop of ill repute. What she didn't see or say was me breakin' out the ol' divinin' rod and tryin' to understand m' future. Yeah, I was havin' my palms read. I watched her gaze longin'ly into a large ball and get all glazy-eyed. She then began spoutin' something aobut returnin' to my homeland as a champion.

So to answer that li'l trollop who wanted to write crap and try to tarnish my good reputation, I've only got this to say:

In case ya hadn't noticed, sister, I've got a bad rep already. I was a frickin' adult film star. Goin' places like that is what we do. However, to let all the good li'l kiddies out there know, Big Daddy Schlongonowski is back to the good side. I've stepped away from that lifestyle. So, Harley, if'n ya don't mind bein' associated with a dwarf, divine my future and tell me what ya see.

Dear Rabbi,
As fer yer troubles with the press, believe me I can relate. Seems like I cant go out fer a Sunday drive around the town we crawl in without the press makin some kinda ballyhoo. Keep in mind that publicity -is- publicity, good, bad, er uglyier than home-made sin on Sunday. I gaurantee if you look at yer next shindig, you'll find yer cheap seats packed to the gills, and the floor seats purty full as well. Everones out to see what you can do. Hear I am all un-corpsified and I got reporters hangin outta my saddlebags. So let em talk...it helps your reputation a a bonafide B.A. Besides, with enough money, you -buy- yerself a reputation

As for divining yer future...I'll ask you this. What do -you- want it to be? Fergit the diviners, the seers, and the mojo-workers. YOU make yer own destiny. Come win or come lose, yer life is what you make of it. If that means makin a livin fer yerself in yer old career... hey a livin' is a livin'...but I would advise that you meander on over to the X Crawl offices when this is all over and see if'n you cant get into coachin' the boffies...or I hear their lookin fer a few good refs.

Mazeltov!
~Harley

[browneydgirl21]

I have a question for you Harley, off the record as it were...

Is it true, these rumors I have been hearing, that you are now Big Daddy's go to gal?

If so, where does Karma fit into the scheme of things?

Signed,
NAE Correspondent Jayne Cobb

Dear Purplebelly,

See my above response about publicity. Now leave me alone and git back to yer bunk. I hear Vera is missin' you.

~Harley

[moes247]

Scruffy wants to know... since everyone is supposed to ask you stuff; Is Scruffy out of a job? Cause Scruffy has a morgage, alimony, and a dumb dog to take care of. I mean I guess I could go back and work as a janitor. It's a little bit safer, but same kinda danger. I mean you guys saw the mall I worked at!!! Crazy stuff everywhere. And you must be crazy if I'll go to a high school and work. I mean with ref'n I know where some of the danger is and how its going to work out, but in a high school you never know where the danger is going to be or where its comming from. Though the pay is better from what I hear........hhhmmmmmm??

[browneydgirl21]

Scruffy wants to know... since everyone is supposed to ask you stuff; Is Scruffy out of a job? Cause Scruffy has a morgage, alimony, and a dumb dog to take care of. I mean I guess I could go back and work as a janitor. It's a little bit safer, but same kinda danger. I mean you guys saw the mall I worked at!!! Crazy stuff everywhere. And you must be crazy if I'll go to a high school and work. I mean with ref'n I know where some of the danger is and how its going to work out, but in a high school you never know where the danger is going to be or where its comming from. Though the pay is better from what I hear........hhhmmmmmm??

Scrubby Scrubby,

Does it look like I got a sign tatooed on me that says "X-Crawl CEO? Nope, not here. So as fer yer job security, I haven't the foggiest. Best advice: Don't Get Dead. And If'n you should happen to, have high ranking friends in low places...them's that can pay to gitcha back to tha livin'.

In regards to how yer gonna make yer ends meet, I'm ponderin' that mystery myownself. Here's how I see it. Your face is on TV...and that makes you mighty. Milk it fer every copper ya can. Hades, I jus got mahself a sweet pad on 5th and Park in good ol' NYC proper. Far cry better than tha double wide on the Hudson I was in not 12 month back. So git yerself an agent, one that's gonna do his gorramdest ta keep ya supplied in mops and tha Hooch. Then whatever them Purplesuit's that pass themselves off as tha XCrawl Powers That Be decide ta do with yah, you'll still be flyin high of yer own accord.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. -You- make yer own future. Them's that say different are tryin ta sell ya sumthin'.

Don't drop the Spounge,
~Harley~

[Mark Miller]

Ms. Harley,
It has come to my attention that you are advising the referees on how to conduct their personal affairs. I believe your team has caused enough problems for fraternizing with the officials. Please do not respond to any attempts to contact you by any official employee of the X-Crawl league.

Now as per the advice you have given one Mr. Scruffy Rogers. The X-Crawl referees are prohibited from using the league as a forum for their personal believes or in any attempt to gain fame for themselves. They are not permitted to retain the aid of an agent or speak with the media during the regulation season.

Mr. Scruffy Rogers will be reprimanded for his contact with you.

Miles Whiterook
CEO X-Crawl League

[moes247]

I hope this don't mean Iam fired now does it?

[The Fly]

I've been hangin' out on the walls and rumor has it that Big Daddy is trying to buy off one of the refs..... mmmmmmmm.... JUICY!

[browneydgirl21]

Ms. Harley,
It has come to my attention that you are advising the referees on how to conduct their personal affairs. I believe your team has caused enough problems for fraternizing with the officials. Please do not respond to any attempts to contact you by any official employee of the X-Crawl league.

Now as per the advice you have given one Mr. Scruffy Rogers. The X-Crawl referees are prohibited from using the league as a forum for their personal believes or in any attempt to gain fame for themselves. They are not permitted to retain the aid of an agent or speak with the media during the regulation season.

Mr. Scruffy Rogers will be reprimanded for his contact with you.

Miles Whiterook
CEO X-Crawl League

Yo, suitman,

Back the (censored) off. This here advice column is just fer fun. Them's that take me seriously are bughouse worthy. And Mr Rodgers...wow...Mr Rodgers? I bet there was no end to the high-larity when reviewin' yer X-Crawl app. If'n they give you th' sack, you come see ol' Harley. I'll put a good werd in fer ya with my agent, Snake. He'll make shure you can pay off yer ex. Or just off her ifn that's your inclination.

[neck7316]

Well that is definatly a differant way of doing it, not good, not bad....just differant.